One day, a client and I were sitting on a park bench.  We had our session outdoors since it was a beautiful day. There just happened to be a package of baby wipes on the table where we were sitting. This container of wipes became my illustration to help the client understand the difference between himself, his experiences and the voice of the inner critic. 

I asked him to imagine that he was the box itself, while the voice of the inner critic, the negative messages replaying in his mind, are the wipes that he carried or were stuffed into him.  As part of our exercise, he shared some thoughts that kept repeating in his mind that he believed about himself. 

One common thought for this client was, “I’m an idiot”. It was very difficult for him to release this belief. Even in jest he would say things like “I’m such an idiot”. Can you relate? Do you find yourself insulting yourself even as a “silly joke”?  

One exercise to try if there is a negative thought that continues to come to mind is to name it, if it is “I’m not good enough”, or “I’m stupid”, or “I’m unwated”, or any other negative repetitive thought, grab a tissue from a tissue box, allow the tissue to represent that thought, you may even choose to write the thought(s) on the tissue(s). Take a moment to look at and observe this thought. What is one of your earliest and/or most powerful memories of truly believing this? 

For this particular client, it was a close family member who would often insult him and repeatedly tell him he was an idiot. And there it was! I could almost see the fireworks going off in his brain.  I could see the relief in his face and watched the tension leave his shoulders.  In that moment he realized “I’m an idiot” was never his own voice, it was the persistent echo of an abusive family member. The echo of their voice was repeatedly playing in his mind over the course of years. The echo became so dominant he believed it to be his own voice.  He grew to believe that is who he truly was. The epiphany allowed him to shine a light on the truth and put things in their place.  

The truth was, the negative thoughts were really the insults and toxic baggage another person dumped onto him, their dirty wipes stuffed into his container.  He now had access to his ability and power to reject, release, and replace.

We must allow ourselves to see that these are memories of negative experiences, these are statements made by others that were stuffed into our psyche, through repetition as a child or in moments of vulnerability by a lover.  When we recognize this, then we may begin to recognize the difference between what we’ve experienced and who we truly are, and what we truly believe.

May we acknowledge that we are the ones that hear, that feel, that experience, that remember. This allows us to step into a place of empowerment and decide how we choose to respond to it all.

Need support in neutralizing the inner critic in your life? Purchase the NICE Workbook which will guide you through my favorite interventions and a 30 day writing prompt to help you rewire your brain, transform your self talk, and become the nicest voice you hear.